Is your light on?

As I'm sitting down to write this blog, I find myself to be very apprehensive.
The mantra to my life I have created and tried to adopt is simple:

"The question is always 'What have you got to lose?' if the answer is nothing, you absolutely have to do it."

So why am I nervous?

Why are my fingers shaking as I begin to take you through this side of the music?

Because it is sheer honesty.

So welcome friends, lovers, haters, and strangers alike.
Here's my heart-wide open and exposed.

Good luck and godspeed in your reading endeavors. I have to admit it's a little mangled but in the end (is it the end?)...in the now, it is only black and blue-a bruise that looks worse than it actually feels and will mend in a month or less.




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Have you ever had a friend? The kind of friend whom you included in all your daily activities whether it be going to the grocery store, going shopping, or grabbing a bite to eat. And you could tell this person anything and they would listen, likewise, they found comfort in your listening ear. And no matter what you said or whatever you were talking about it seemed to be so important and stimulating you didn't want to stop talking to them.


Ever.


And then some day, your friend, whom you've cared for and learned to love, doesn't need your listening ear. The paths of life and the change of seasons have caused you to drift, like an autumn leave, far away from your friend. And even though you might still need the shoulder of this friend to lean on from time to time...they're no longer there.


Does your body ever ache to have another really great, mind-boggling, meaningful conversation with them. Or even 5 minutes of a heated discussion. Anything just to have back a piece of something so great you once had, and probably took for granted everyday that you had it.


And now, looking back, you'd give almost anything to just have a solid, grounded talk with no friendship politics involved.

All you want is a look in the eye.

But once you cross the bridge from friendship to lets try a relationship, nothing is fair game. Everything is shocking, and everything is twelve times worse.

You know how you always hear, "Don't date your best friend...you can never go back..." I'm beginning to think that's completely true. I'm hoping its not, and that there's still more on the other side of this battle, but I'm not about to go blue-in-the-face, holding my breath.

I'm just asking for some sort of sheer honest attempt to resolve whatever space might be between what is and isn't being said.

But then you mind starts to wander, and you begin to think...

Do you want to even be my friend? Or don't you care whether I'm in your life or not?

Isn't that a terrible feeling? Wondering if someone legitimately wants to befriend you.

Well if you don't know...it is the WORST.

Absolute pits.

I just missed my friend.
I missed knowing that I had such an interesting, completely unlike me, reliable, honest friend who had always been there for me, even when I tried to push him away.
And I missed this version of my almost too-perfect, felt like a dream, or a robot because it was out of the storybooks...must have been coin-operated, male-friend.


I missed being able to call up my friend whenever I wanted tp vent about the latest 'girl drama', and I missed going to the nearest fast food place for a quick bite to eat, or going to a movie last minute, or talking about 'what I want to be when I grow up', or inventing new ways to re-define the term boredom, or...



Or, just being together.



And spending an hour enjoying each other's company.

And not feeling awkward, if there were awkward silences.

And knowing if I ever needed to cry, I would have a shoulder, waiting for me to cry on.



And I still miss my friend.



But I know now that my friend isn't the same friend I had (what feels like) so many years ago.

People change...don't they?
I don't know if I can completely agree with that statement. People can change but some part of their old self can be spotted if you dig; dig deep...you might be surprised...or you will be completely let down and find that people do indeed change 100% and their old, magnificent-selves are nowhere to be found.

Well I'm betting on the good.
Looking for the good in people and in this situation.

Even though a friend was lost and a foe found, somewhere, somehow there's got to be some sort of code that can be cracked to rekindle a friendship, just a friendship, that once upon a time, was sweet but went sour.

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There it is folks.

Leave the Light On.

Open and exposed.

Stay tuned...Next week will unveil the secrets of another Rosie original

Much Love,

Rosie

I held my breath and you held my heart.

Here's the story...some necessary background information needed to understand Fargo's Rose.


It's so ironic, looking back at my prior post, reading my cynicism about Molly and Jason and their fairytale love story, but believing this type of thing only happens in Hollywood. Ironically, a few months later I found myself to be in a similar situation to both Molly and then Melissa.

For those of you who followed that particular season of The Bachelor religiously understand. But for those of you who did not, here's a simple explantation.

Molly:

The girl who got away but crept back into Jason's heart as soon as he realized what he had lost. Jason, the ever honest warrior, followed his heart, took a huge risk, and found a way to beg her to forgive him and take him back.


Melissa:


The favorite from the beginning. The girl everyone thought would end up with her Prada knight who had no reason doubt Jason's sincerity and intentions. Unfortunately, a rug was pulled form beneath her feet as Jason confessed his true feelings..err... un-confessed his feelings for her.

Yeah, I'm both of those girls, combined into one hot mess.

Coincidentally over the same man.

The same BOY.
The same boy who has caused me to gain pound after pound as a result of the massive amounts of ice cream consumed in the last four years. And that is something I will never forgive him for.

Naturally, this escapade of my summer was an inspirational one. Usually I am flowing with lyrics. They seem to come easily and I typically don't have to work too hard to find a great line that expresses exactly how I'm feeling, exactly the way I am feeling it. But for 2 1/2 months of my summer I found myself to be lyric-less.




Speechless.





Unable to formulate a complete sentence with proper punctuation?

So how do you say what you need to say if you can't even utter the words that you want to write?

The ones you you need to say to get them off of your chest and out of your soul so you can breathe again.

Most of the summer I played instrumental piano pieces and the only lyric that ran through my head was I miss you. Can I miss you? I'll still be here. If you will be.

And although a lot of my pieces are sappy love-songs, want-you-back, wish you loved me...too bad you don't, I'll get through, girl-anthem, feel okay with it and move on type of songs, they couldn't all have this lyric, could they?

But eventually, the words came.
When I stopped trying to make them come.
They just fell out of my mouth.
I was just talking to myself.
Talking to someone who wasn't there; and the words fell out.

Easy.

Simple.

Honest.

To the point.


But the few (only 3) songs that came out of my overly confusing, sappy, lack of sunshine-filled summer are my favorites. For that sole reason-they are easy, simple, honest, and to the point.


And as much as I love the organized chaos of holding my breath and letting someone else hold my heart for awhile, its nice to know somethings can stay in a very simple state.
And still be so strong and effective.
Not everything has to be complicated with layers of cobwebs and heartbreak.
Some things can be simple.
And simple can be okay.

So join this adventure with me. I am so inspired by great lyrics and when I know what a lyric means or what the song is about, it means that much more to me. So, each week I will post the real meanings behind each of my songs. . . I guess I should keep writing so I don't run out of pieces! I will write about the inspiration, the thought process behind it, what season it was in, and maybe even what I was wearing that day.

*The question is always

'What have you got to lose?'

If the answer is nothing, you absolutely have to do it.

Much Love,

Rosie